not dead yet

I am not dead yet. Though it is an inevitable end.
I have been dealing with the whirlwind of results from the Kuei ritual. A major part of this has meant moving. I will be offline for a few days and will do my best to catch up. Other than that, I have made another sacrifice to fortify my stand with my Kuei. Things look good.
Peace in Xaos

sublimation left eye

quick notes:

tears came from left eye first
and left nostril, clear mucus
took much longer this evening
full hour
eyes still blurry
filled mouth with elixer twice
not sweet, well the first was kinda sweet the second almost foul
allowed sexual generation
pushed generative fluid back into the stove
very intense energy
burned quickly
trasmission: this is nto an everyday meditation or does not have to be

dream

9:17:2008

Dream

Sammy and I were driving a truck; a small truck like a toy truck only it was not a toy. I was driving and he was sitting in my lap. We came to a cliff and I had to stand up and hold him in one arm and the steering wheel in the other to keep it from going over. I layed Sammy on the ground to try to get the truck but then realized that there was a snake on the ground. This was the same snake that was at the temple door after NOX. I thought it would be okay until I saw Sammy going for it. Then the word priorities began to repeat in my head like a mantra. I let go of the truck letting it fall over the cliff and went to grab Sammy. On my way to grabbing him I saw the snake begin to spit a brown venom at him. It then bit him in the face before I could get to him. I removed the snake from his face throwing it aside and immediately tried to call 911 but my phone would not work. I was going into a panicked state and the mantra “priorities” continued to roar in my mind. Alicia comes up to me and gets her phone to work, but by this time Sammy’s face has swollen and had become deformed. I was horrified and Sammy was going into shock. I woke up to find myself alone in the bed. Apparently I chased them both out of the bedroom with my snoring.

I have my opinions about this dream but if any one else would like to take a shot at it please feel free to post.

dragon sublimation

9:16:2008

PM
Sublimation meditation.

Staring at the burning tip of a stick of incense I held my eyes open. Closed all channels, save the eyes. After about 30 minutes I felt tears finally welling up in my eyes, primarily my right eye. Then it bursts and ran down my cheek. Tears continued to flow from this eye until they ran down my chest. The eye immediately stung like hell after the tears began. Never teared from my left eye. During this the ember from the incense took on several forms. The first was a dragons face, then a cow. After awhile my eyes crossed naturally and I allowed them to do this as the crossing of the eyes is another gate to close. This allowed me to see the large dragon. The two burning sticks were eyes and the rest of the dragons head formed from the eather. I was breathing in the breath of the dragon and it mine. Pretty intense moment, but it was a distraction so I let it pass. There were several moments of sexual excitation and genital stimulation but nothing to erection. The elixir when it was ready to swallow had a hint of sweetness. Not as strong as the old texts indicate but like a honey dew, rather than pure honey.

Keui Tai-Chi Results I

Keui Tai Chi
http://j.a.garcia.93.googlepages.com/ghostdance

I have already, to my surprise had results from my ritual. Filled out an app for a great house this afternoon and also received two interesting job opportunities that will allow me to make some extra money from home. I know that sounds like one of those scam things but this is not that. I wont be sowing teddy bears together or mailing things. I will refrain from further comment on this due to a superstitious nature. I will also be going to the temple to make a follow up offering to secure all this after the house thing is secure. I don’t want to be too hasty. No tips until the main course has been served.

9:14:2008

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
This day was a day
Looking at the leaves of trees
Today I saw you
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NOX (Night Of Xaos)

9:13:2009

Keui Tai-Chi (ghost dance) ritual
http://j.a.garcia.93.googlepages.com/ghostdance

This was done as part of group ritual. I also participated in the rituals of Frater Fiducia, Soror Siva(?!) and Frater Beenja. Soror Siva(?!) also performed an invocation of Baphomet.

These rituals went off splendidly. The evening began with the Baphomet invocation. The reverie experienced during the dancing around Baphomet was very intense and empowering. I know that the Baphomet was speaking and expressing powers, positions etc but my trance was a bit too heavy to remember the words exactly. I wish we had recorded this event.

The Voudon ritual was surprisingly authentic. Not surprising that Frater Beenja pulled it off but surprising in that a room full of white folks pulled such a strong voudon current. I was impressed and humbled by the appearance of Met Kalfou.

Soror Svia(?!)’s ritual purging was, gut wrenching. I only wish that I had eaten so that would have had more to contribute than some sake and stomach bile. But then shear force that it took to push that from my gut caused a pain that aided gnosis. The gnosis of that ritual was very good. I cannot remember much of it at all except the purging. The fire and the chanting and the energy flowing through the circle were strong.

The burial of Frater Fiducia did not do so much for me as I am sure it did for him. I should note however that the performance of the burial was very real, his deadweight combined with dumping him in a shallow grave felt real. There was a bit of gnosis caused by these moments of dissonance.

My ritual went well. Strange even now in my memory I see myself moving toward the circle from a different direction than I did. I was moving toward the South I invision myself moving east. The incense burned me much more than I expected. The chanting with as many incense as I had in my hands caused my to feel as if I could not breath. The dance itself was surreal. As I pull this memory from my head the top of my head begins to hurt. Eerily erotic. The center seemed to be visually opened. The combination of incense and the single candle in the center created the image of an open portal, a cone of light, from the center of the temple space. Ghosts coming and going at will. And then the calling of our ghost, xxxxx xxxxx.

9

9:12:2008

Spent the day gathering supplies and brainstorming ritual.

ritual research

9:11:2008

We moved the mattress to the floor today to keep my son from falling off of it. We then decided that he should learn the “edge” lesson so we let him crawl to the edge with the full intent of letting him crawl off. With my wife and I on edge ourselves we watched as he crawled face first nearly over the edge of the bed, then we watched in amazement as he turned himself around and got down feet first! Smart little monkey!

This evening my task is to do some research and meditate on this Kuei ritual. My head is fucking killing me. I have either not drank enough water or stress is just taking its toll upon me. My son has been difficult the past few days with the cutting of his first tooth. He takes after me in that he becomes needy when he feels shitty. This has slowed my work a bit and is the reason for the lack of activity on the tenth.

It is time to begin my fasting food wise and sex wise for this ritual work on Saturday.

I believe I may have chosen one of the most difficult paradigms to research, at least where religious/magickal Taoism is concerned. I am astounded at how difficult it is to find any detail concerning Taoist ritual practice. Perhaps it is owed to the extreme secrecy and seclusion that Taoist masters have traditionally maintained over the centuries. I have dug up a good thing or two. I am going to have to perhaps cast for some inspiration for this ritual. I do know a Frater or two that would be pleased with the discovery of the use of chicken sacrifice and blood in Taoist ghost rituals. This will jive well with other currently practiced paradigms. It may also bode well for a heavy sacrifice night and a chicken barbeque! Library is about to close down on me so I better pack it in. Damn, nearly 3 hours of steady research and no solid ritual development. Not true, I have developed a few ideas, but it’s not solid yet. Now I am just rambling to make myself feel better. Blah blah blah. I did discover through my Galileo research and website research that I am going to have to invest some money in some books. Most of the information that I need is in books, not research articles.

(note: put in unpub journal)

At home: performed meditation on the upcoming ritual. I saw most of it play out. Seems I am dealing with a multi-leveled ritual. Also when I came out of meditation I noticed something on my xaobala painting that is on my altar. This piece is as of yet unfinished but something came blazing forth into my consciousness. The importance of this remains to be seen. However the magickal synchronisity held within this moment has not been seen in some time. During my Kuei meditation I was interupted by a baphomet invocation in which an individual was performing. It glitters with potential power. 436??? AHA!!!

9:10:2008

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Contemplating this
Moment of awareness gone
And it slips away
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Vino update

Filtered out the must and moved the liquid to a 5 gal bucket. Added 3 lbs of sugar, some maple syrup, malto-dextrine, fermax yeast nutrient and Lal Vin EC-1118 yeast (Champaign yeast). Capped it off with a proper airlock and now my good fraters and sorors we have fermentation! It began about an hour after I capped it all off.

misremembered

9:09:2008

I will be getting the proper yeast for the wine today. I have hesitated because all I had was bread yeast and I want this wine to taste as good as possible for a first run. I did sterilize everything pretty heavy, the grapes included, during the prep process so it should keep. There has been no fermentation so far, which is good I suppose. If there is no wild yeast in my must then there is probably no other nasty bacteria either. This is good. Interesting though. For two nights I have dreamed heavily of this wine. Of taking care of it and preparing it and getting the correct yeast etc, etc.

Next will be to make some beer, and then another vat of wine. This process is not just to make drink to drink, but is to make ritual drink specifically.

Turns out the yeast will have to be got tomorrow. I misremembered the days and times of the home brew store. Tomorrow will have to do. I think the must will hold. I hope the must will hold. I did sterilize it pretty good so, a future toast from my muscadine wine! “We are glad it held, here’s to holding and good sterilization!”

Shit fuck me! Okay if you look at the Xaobala from the ritual invocation of the immortal self you will notice that there are wavy lines from the sun to the outer spheres. This would be because I misremembered the fucking text. I just ran across it during some other research to find that it is straight lines that spirits travel on, NOT CURVY! Hence the reason there are so many curvy roads in china. Fucker! Okay, so some interesting information was pulled from this ritual nonetheless. Why? If the primus for the lines fomr the sun to the self int eh outer spheres was wrong then what was happeneing?

The curvy lines may have prevented contamination. In this way energy from the sun may have been filtered so as to not contaminate the self at the spheres. This may have allowed for a build up from the self from a purely self-source. Regardless it is imperative that this ritual be performed again with the initially intended form.

I hereby declare the 13th of the month to be ghost day. In china it is the 15th. I do not know if china has the similar resonance around the number 15 as we do 13, but 13 seems appropriate. And, my good Fraters and Sorors, the 13 just happens to be the date our chaosmagick workshop falls on. This was unintended but an excellent turn of events.

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Interesting note on the placement of an altar in the temple: I used compass to determine the directions of the temple and placed an altar in the direction that I for some reason thought was north. It turned out to be south, completely opposite. However some research has brought to light an interesting synchronicity concerning this confusion. The Chinese in days of around 2800 BCE used a compass that was south pointing.
“When the people of China go out to collect jade, they carry a south pointer with them so
as not to lose their way.” Kuei Ku Tzu, dated about 300 B.C.E. This altar is in the south now and will be a guide for me/us not to lose our way.

my whole life fell apart

9:08:2008

There was a break today. My whole life fell apart and fell back together before sunset. We will be moving sooner than expected. This falls into Shêng, “Do not hesitate” This aspect has become apparent. But all else still holds, it will just be shorter term than I at first suspected.

Visited our friend and lawyer today. Looks like we have a good case against this company. We filed the suit this evening.

wine

9:07:2008

Began making my wine today; muscadine from the temple yard and grape for a boost.

9:06:08

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Falling in the pool
We slip on the edges of
Concrete and grass stains
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divination for a friend

9:05:2008

AM
CEPC
Sublimation Meditation

Good meditation, nothing spectacular to report. Toaday was similar to yesterday. The patience and emotional stability continues.

PM
Performed an I-Ching divination ritual for a friend. Seemed to go well. Performed with full candlelight, incense and calligraphy work. Seemed to give the information needed. Accuracy of course will take time to determine.

results continued

9:04:2008

There have been some noticeable emotional results from last nights work. I have felt very balanced today. I have been much more patient, with no effort on my part and today was a good day. I did not expect there to be any major results from the bone oracle ritual save the divination itself but to my delight there have been. This feeling seems steady as well, not fleeting, or the feeling of ritual afterglow. This ritual has manifested itself in every mundane activity of the day. My grandmother even consented to try my cooking. This was a novelty. True she has been sick, but she has in the past been resistant to our style of eating. She seemed to like my Kung Pao Tofu! So we all ate at the table together, which has not happened for weeks. I was not aggravated or drawn to anger once today. Today was a good day.

Results from Bone Oracle Divination Ritual

9:03:2008

PM
Bone Oracle Divination Ritual
http://j.a.garcia.93.googlepages.com/boneoracledivinationritual

Results:





Music: Shamanic Drumming CD.
Incense: Bat’s Blood

Banished using the large Masonic bell that a Frater gave me. Performed a freestyle chaosphere banishing. Bell in left hand held up ringing into the heavens, heavens falling into the bell. The wand pushing forth into the aether cast the chaosphere that was cut into space by sword like motion.

This done I sat at the apex of the triangle of fire. I cried. I cried like a child who was lost. And I was lost. I have been pained by this burden and have been set to a task in which I have no idea what the right direction or path is. So I cried. I cried because I was lost and I cried because I am losing my grandmother. My heart is heavy and sick with this sadness. And I have been behaving like a rotten child acting out with no knowledge of why or for what. Acting out because of a pain that cannot be interpreted.

The sigils on the bone were simple. “Stay” with yin and yang lines and “Go” with positive yin and yang lines. It took longer than I expected for the bone to begin cracking but it was apparent when it did. It was audible as well as tactile. It was a strangely pleasurable feeling for the bone to be cracking in my hand. It felt primal and at the same time it felt like a pressure from my own being was released with the answering of my question. Not to mention that the smell of burning bone seems to trigger something in the psyche. One is pulling answers from a world stale and dead, from a world unknown. One is not only practicing pyromancy but also necromancy. These bones and the smell of burning bone attract the kuei, it attracts the ancestors, it opens the gates to hell.

The answer: The first crack seems to tell me to stay. The bone cracked to the yang line under the stay sigil. I meditated on this and accepted it. I needed to know everything though and wanted to know what the outcome in the other way would be. So I continued to hold the bone over the flame. The next crack came on the Go side but this time it was a deep obvious crack that touched the sigil itself. While reading the cracks I was curious as to where the lines were going so I applied a bit of pressure with my carving tool to the end of the crack. A small piece came off of the Stay side, under the sigil. A large piece came off of the Go side taking with it a good bit of the sigil. This resounded in my mind as a Go answer.

The hexagram drawn to further explain this answer was Shêng / Pushing Upward. This hexagram again describes motion, moving, “go”. But in this sense it refers to the work of the situation. The move will be work and will be more emotional work than anything. Things will have to be acted out in such a way that the transition is natural, smooth and understood. This means absolute peace, even if forced, up until the move. This means me not acting like a hurt child. Six in the beginning. The growth of wood from the earth needs yielding earth. If correct action is taken, if the growth is done with yielding then the motion (the move) will be seen as right, it will seem a natural progression rather than a desperate move. The desperate move will hurt feelings. The growth motivated move will be seen as right and natural. There will be no resistance. Nine in the third place. The beginning of the upper nuclear trigram Chên / Movement. In this seems to be a warning not to hesitate because things seem good. This good timing must be taken advantage of. If the move is going to be successful and painless then it will have to be done during a time when it would seem the move is not necessary. Don’t hesitate when this time comes. Do not make this move during a time of resistance.

dregs of a cough

9:02:2008

AM
CEPC during my morning walk
Sublimation meditation at lit altar

I am finally feeling better. Only the dregs of a cough are left. I seem to be getting up the last of this phlegm.

My grandmother told me of a dream she had last night. Apparently; a woman was being visited by her daughter. Her daughter wanted to get all of her money. The daughter was very insistent and the mother very resistant. The daughter told the mother that she was crazy (I suppose because the mother could not handle her own money). The mother eventually hit the daughter in the head and the daughter returned the hit. The hitting continued. Somehow my grandmother was told the meaning of this story, which was that god put us here on this earth to get along and love one another, not to fight. Exactly how this all plays out to that moral I have not a clue. Regardless the dream itself is pretty indicative of reality, or at least her perception of it. This worries me.

I don’t know what is fixing to happen with all of this. We are making an appointment soon with a neurologist to get a diagnosis. We shall see from there.

Gustav was not as bad as I predicted. I wonder if these weather dreams are not divinatory as much as they are just reactions to the environment and hearing about hurricanes during the season. This would make perfect sense.

I should do a divinatory ritual to assess this situation with my grandmother and our highly probable move in December. This could be a good opportunity to develop the bone oracle ritual. This should occur tomorrow night.

9:01:2008

XXXXXXXXXXXX
Perceptual bliss
Senses are catapulted
Moment is silence
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Ritual Results posted

Ritual results have been posted under the date of its occurance. Please see 8:29:2008.