The Dragon Copulates with the Tiger

10:30:2008
PM
GPR & Sublimation
Very intense sublimation mediation tonight. When my shit opened up it all opened up. I have learned to recognize it coming. When my mouth begins to fill with fluid its coming. Then my left eye fills and overflows. My sinuses opened up like last time, only much heavier this time. My nose began to full on run. My right eye opened this time and my right sinus so that my eyes and my nose were running profusely.

Vision: A hooded, half masked bust came at me from the incense cherry. It took on the form of a demon. It seemed menacing, and it seemed to question my right to be there. Where? I don’t know whatever mental state I was in at that moment in space and time. I was a bit tranced out. I must have slipped into a particular mind-field. So at any rate this annoyed me. In my mind I thought at it, “I am that I am, I am your Master.” With this it promptly dissipated back to wherever it came from. And I back into a relative no-mindedness.

When my mouth was full I swallowed the fluid into my Tan Tien. I closed my eyes and crossed them hard. This had a dizzying effect that seemed to hurl me backwards into myself. There was quite a lot of mental neuro-technics and then a very smooth calmness. There were a few moments of in and out no-mind Gnostic trance. The overall feeling was that of calmness. AHA! Fire into Water, the dragon copulating with the tiger! I will need to do some more research into this reaction.

dullness skipping out

10:29:2008

PM
I ate to dullness this evening. Not sure how this happened. Rice and Beans sit heavy if one is not careful. At any rate I am too dulled to meditate. I would have thought that this would settle but it is not. Shit, I know exactly how this happened. I have been bottling wine this evening. Of course, as I bottle I must take a sip, or sips rather to insure quality. Well, I discovered that while the quality is pretty low the alcohol content is pretty high. This was the goal. I ate with quite a buzz on and a belly full of young, young, yeasty wine. But on the plus side there are ten plus bottles of wine in my back room for Halloween! Okay, perhaps this would be a good time to work on my mundane journal. I should call it my career journal and I should cast upon its head! Right after I fill this next bottle. When I get the sight up and running I will post a link. I don’t mind it going from here to there, just not from there to here, for obvious reasons that will be even more obvious when the nature of the ‘other’ blog is seen.

sublimation

10:28:2008

PM
Sublimation. Closed channels.

This sublimation was a bit different. I felt that it was past due and it was. I was at the foot of a great white mountain. I crossed my eyes to look inward. This had a much more pronounced effect than I expected. I became a bit dizzy and disoriented. I was not sure if this was good for the sublimation process so I quit. As gnosis mounted I began to feel more at ease with the process. I was being coached to relax and not try so hard. The idea was to not try to force sublimation but to allow sublimation. There is no doing this. There is only created the mental and physical environment in which sublimation can take place, and then it will. I crossed my eyes again and concentrated myself inward. This time the dizzying buzz seemed to balance rather than disorient. I was humming now with an energy that was vibrating through the microcosmic orbit. And the left eye ducts opened. My mouth filled with fluid. My sinuses pulsed and seemed to swell. This was a new sensation. I feel a bit head coldy now. Strange. Perhaps the illness that I was pushing out of me was residual from the cold we have all had. Perhaps I need to do this a few nights in a row just to be sure I get it all.

Further note: I began to feel an ache in my testicles shortly after this meditation. I messaged the ducts and it seems to have helped a bit.

NOX (Night Of Xaos)

10:27:2008
NOX notes

The evening began with a meet and great dinner during which I met Frater U for the first time. This was a very pleasant experience and it seems that we will all get along splendidly.

As for the ritual workings I must admit that I don’t have very clear memories of the night. I could explain this away by saying that I was drunk, though I had not drank as much as I have been known to. It seems that my memory and knowledge of the evening seemed to give after the MoCB.

I performed this invocation after drawing the devil card in a lottery. Frater U performed the litany and J, F and S aided. I smoked a spliff of incense dedicated to the purpose, dropped my pants and squatted over the fire trying to start it. I must have been trying to use my kundalini fire as I couldn’t seem to get it lit. The invocation began to take during this process. I have fleeting memories of sticks scratching my balls, being pissed because I could not get to the wine and subsequently trying to break it open, being popped on the ass (thanks U ;-) and being held to the floor face down.

After having read Frater U’s account of this ritual I realize that I was deeper in than I thought. I do not remember trying to leave the temple space. Also it seems that my being pushed to the ground was not that but was Frater U performing the exorcism.

After the ritual I was completely unable to partake of the wine that was consecrated. It burned like fire going down and instantly made me nauseous.

The ritual to create the group Egregore was a bit of a blur for me. It seemed that we were enveloped in wilderness. This wilderness was dark and confusing. Frater U’s dismissal of Terminus seemed to go well. There was some council fire deliberation before the invocation of the Grandmother Owl that was good and set the mood for the remainder of the ritual. I will not go into detail; as to be honest I cant. However the emotion that was left was one of love, deep intimate love and fraternity. I do remember bringing the Owl around the circle and giving her to everyone to hold and love. This must have been when the energies we gathered were fused into the fetish to create the egregore.

Frater U performed the invocation and seemed to sway and soften. His voice became soft and strained. The egregore seemed a bit shy, perfectly natural for an Owl. The name was divined as well as sacrificial offerings.

I performed Owl Tai Chi to the lighting of the Kuei candle to open the portal allowing the ancestral spirits of our area and each individual’s desired Kuei’s passage.

There is much more to be done with this egregore and her brood.

R&R

Rest and Recovery

NOX (Night Of Xaos)

NOX

specific daily practice

10:19:2008

Specific daily practice (i.e. within cast circle) has been sparse. I did go to the temple once last week and performed a divinition for someone and made sacrifice to my Keui. General daily practice has been constant. This paradigm has a way of infusing itself into all of ones daily actions. Cooking and cleaning for instance take on a specific spiritual context. There is the kitchen god, Tsao Chun who presides in the kitchen, of course, watching the activities of the family and reporting back to the Jade Emperor.

This relationship gives one a constant awareness of action; particularly the action one is taking where family life is concerned. I am feeling that part of reason, synchronistically speaking, that I have been called to be a stay at home father is do to this paradigm. “Keep to the feminine” the Tao Te Ching often instructs. I am at this point not only “practicing” this paradigm, but living it. It has become who I am. My diet has changed, my family role has changed, the way I think of the world and the cosmos has changed. I can fairly safely say that at this point I am a Taoist. I have found the actual spiritual practice, unless one adopts orthodox Taoism, is pretty freestyle in its basic components. This is easy for a chaos magickian. The main ingredients haven’t changed, just the spices. There are some points within Taoist yoga and the way one considers sexual energies that have been difficult for me as a westerner, but overall nothing detrimental to my basic lifestyle. My magickal life is full to the brim with little to no effort. This is the Wu Wei. Playing with plastic rings on the floor and exploring the basic physics of life with my son as he discovers how things within space and time works, has given me gnosis that I cannot express. Spending time with a perfect, unadulterated soul has given me inspiration. Having breed and care giving has given my life a purpose that trumps all previous life goals. Anything that I do, create, produce, write, become, from this point forward in my life is nothing more than an added bonus to an already fulfilled life. This does not make me less inclined to do. It has made what I do what I am. I no longer strive for this act of creation that should fulfill me. I am Wu Wei. I am Tzu Jan. I am doing without striving, acting without action.

Back in the Blog

Well it has been too long. During my move I have been disconnected from most everything routine and or normal. My magick has waned, my research has been sporadic and unorganized at best, my journaling has been virtually nonexistent, my blogging, well, obviously lacking. However, I found my desk this evening. Somewhere underneath all the unshelved books, computer hardware, unhung pictures, random papers, etc etc, was my desk. And now that this space has been secured things will get back to normal. I have a few journal entries to backdate but not many, so don't hold your breath. I may just begin again from here.

when a text reads

10:03:2008

AM
When a text reads, “If you have not met an experienced teacher but rely on your own intellect to understand the Taoist scriptures… you will fail in your practice… and all your efforts will be sterile.” (Lu K’uan Yü, p. 51) you can be sure that this is an effort to keep a clergy class in business. You will see this not only in many Taoist texts but also in many other magickal texts as well. This is an inaccurate truth. While it may be true for many it is not true for the gifted magickian, in fact it is the gifted magickians that often develop phrases like this to keep themselves in business. Someone somewhere created the method by relying on his or her own intellect and understanding. This is the prima materia, this is the golden method! So when you publish the methods developed from your personal genius, make sure that you remind students that they need to consult you before they will understand the “truth” of your teaching. Do not forget to charge a nominal fee for these services!

ritual to make sacrifice to your personal keui

10:01:2008

CEPC
This will be done during my Boy’s first nap of the day. Usually between 10 and 11 am.
Sublimation meditation will follow during the second nap of the day, usually around 3 or 4ish. Though he does not always take this nap.
Okay, back to some since of normalcy. The problems with the house I moved into seem to be getting worked out relatively swiftly and painlessly. I have made sacrifice to my Kuei to insure this. Another sacrifice will be in order. I have found that it is not necessary to visit the temple for this. I simply designate the sacrifice by scrawling the sigil on it. I can make these deposits at a later date. With the sacrifice designated with the sigil my Kuei recognizes this. So, sacrifices will be collected until such time that a proper send off can be achieved. I had originally intended that the sacrifice could be made at any moment from any place but it feel now that I should wait until a proper ritual action can be taken. I will write another ritual specific to the making of sacrifices. This should involve the ghost dance (Kuei Tai-Chi). The main Kuei’s altar lit and charged. Actually this ritual is should not be that complicated in form. Achieving gnosis during would be the most difficult aspect, but even this should not be hard to achieve if one’s daily practices are up to snuff. So…

Ritual to Make Sacrifice to Your Personal Keui

0. Banish
1. Light the Kuei’s altar with a single lamp dedicated to your Kuei.
2. If you do not already have your ghost money prepared charge the ghost money by drawing your Kuei’s sigil on both sides.
3. Have three appropriate vessels, one for drink, one for food and one for burning the ghost money.
4. Facing the altar perform CEPC in horse posture.
5. Approach altar and make offerings of food and drink.
6. Sit and meditate for a time vibrating the name of your Kuei as a mantra.
7. Approach altar, fold ghost money in half and hold it between your teeth.
8. Begin the ghost dance (Kuei Tai-Chi)
9. When gnosis has been entered and returned from, approach your altar and burn ghost money.
10. Banish

PM
I should have known that saying the word “schedule” would demolish any schedule that had existed. I feel the urge to create, to do the art of this magick but I have no space, nor have any of my supplies even been unpacked. The property manager did show up this morning and will have someone here on Monday to fix the floor. This will give me more space, the study will be functioning and I will have a space to work on some things. This unsettled current state is cramping my work.

But on the upshot the rest of my life, marriage, family life, general life happiness, has increased exponentially. Even my relationship with my grandmother, the initial reason for the move, has improved. I feel like we have the relationship we had before my family moved into her house. She does not seem to resent me anymore. This has been a good move. The bone oracle and I-Ching reading were right on. Following the advice given during that ritual divination was indeed the right course. I love it when this shit works!