Friday, December 26, 2008

missing data


The online and public magickal journal has a way of keeping one honest with oneself. For instance if this were to be a private, sealed, handwritten journal, as were my past journals, I would not explain my absence in so many words. I would also not feel quite as sharply the pains of having failed monasticism. This is good. Failing to meet ones personal obligation, promises to the self, should be painful. I do however have excuses & justifications! HA! So basically the past 2 weeks have been utterly filled with festivities of a magnificent sort, well one, namely my child’s first birthday. This was the joy. The not so joyous circumstances involved my wife having finals, which left me without a schedule and xmas. I have found that I am rather obsessive compulsive with schedules. If I do not have one, a strict one, then I tend not to produce. I have known this about myself. I am also an active procrastinator. This leaves me floundering when my self-imposed systems are shaken. I should work on some flexibility metamorphosis. But for now I should just do what needs to be done to produce, and right now that means creating an impromptu schedule from now till my wife goes back to school, then I will need to make a new schedule. You see how this could agitate one with OCD? Ah, it is as it is, and I am in process. So, the days have not been lost.

For the past 3 days I have been fasting. I did eat on X-Mass but not terribly much. I have been weaning myself anyway, using a liquid diet, vegetable and fruit juices with almond milk. I already feel differences, even after such a short duration. I have not properly fasted in years. My current practice is calling for this.

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