For those keeping up this blog, sorry. I have been keeping much more personal notes in my handwritten journal as of late. Some things are not to be blogged, or made public in any form. Thus is the nature of the beast.
I will give you this. I picture of my current altar.
I have two things going on. There are heavy Mercury workings afoot.
But even heavier Immortality workings. You see I have been a heavy smoker for may many years. For most of those years I have been smoking non-filtered roll your own cigarettes. By many years I mean over half of the time I have been on this earth. A few years ago I got a serious case of pneumonia. Since then I developed chronic bronchitis. You would think I would quit. And I did several times for a few month long stints. I am now getting over another bad case of pneumonia. I have come to believe the smoking may not kill me but that it IS killing me. This I cannot tolerate. I am too young, my family too young and my great work too infantile!
I may post my Breaks from my last smoking ritual at a later date. Shit I gotta minute I will post them now.
I have done two ritual with this intent. One with Fratres ST and JD. Very powerful and very painful. I faltered few days alter of my own weakness. I reactivated the ritual by simulating the ritual to the best of my ability. The following is the journal entry from this last ritual. Which has held strong.
1:13:2010
Burned Heavily Dave Lee's Alchemy Aromatics Banishing Incense
Reactivation of the no smoking ritual. This time with aids. Lozenges, etc.
semi recreation of 1st. 1st didn't fail., it wained after some tough times, too tough, too much to go into during ritual writing. [I failed].
Sexually charged sigil, yellow candle, picture of my son, last cigarettes, lozenges, demon slaying sword, offering bowl ashtray, 3* mark, Pine MNT bottle, divination box.
1st cigarette
too much mars in life
Smoking ANY incense too often will kill you
especially Mars
Extinguish cigarette on sword.
_____
__ __
2nd cigarette
a 4th appears where there was 3
break the last one
no more pleasure in this act
only alleviation of another displeasure
How can I mentor
Or even consider myself a magi
If I cant kill my own tormenting demon
Especially if that demon is killing me!
This demon is too easy to pass on
TO loved ones, one's children in particular
You do NOT want your son to struggle with this
Extinguish cigarette on demon slaying sword
___ ___
_______
3rd cigarette
there is another, this should be the last but there is one left.
This IS the last 2 to break
Strange how tricky this demon is, to the point of manipulating
and distorting simple math!
I don't even like this anymore
Finish to affirm the distaste!
I can feel the sickness in this one.
Almost done. a bit of nausea
Cigarette extinguished on demon sword.
______ old
______ old
Hexagram:
_____ _____
___________
_____ _____
___________
___________
___________
Ritually broke 4th
Ritually broke 5th
Empty contents into bowl over Demon Slayer. Empty Box thrown to CWTZ
Finished water from Pine MNT bottle
Finish by IOA at main altar with wand
--ritual had its own plans
Burned rest of Sammael candle at both ends on top of sword
The whole thing caught fire
All tobacco burned and encased in yellow wax.
Hexagram of power over this demon. Mine i=s dead,m the problem is that is it such a rampant and fast breading demon an its offspring is innumerable.
Kan - cloud
Qian - heaven
Xu
the Tao of eating and drinking
Waiting on rain the Way the shaman waits patiently for rain during a drought. Needing the rain but waiting patiently until it comes of its own. I need to be over my addiction but must also wait patiently for it to leave of its own.
"If one has faith and remains steadfast, ones future will be bright."
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